Graciously Aggressive

How on earth did the time fly so quick that I find myself writing this in my last week here? I cannot dwell on it too much because I will indeed get tearful...its like when you’re watching an incredible movie and you just don’t want it to end...or you have miraculously managed to get the salt to popcorn ratio just right for a change and you find yourself scratching at the bottom of the box, devastated that there are only a few lone kernels left...okay I’m getting far too melodramatic with my soggy metaphors...

The past week was another whirlwind of challenges, excitement and emotions...and just when we thought we had that mysterious creature, known as “the casting director”(CD), figured out - a whole new batch came to enlighten us and break down any conclusions we were thinking of drawing about the industry, as we are nearing the end of the programme. Again the variety was refreshing with anything from gorgeous strapping male CD’s, killer body or a sense of humor both equally welcomed by the ladies. Formidable female CD’s with inspiring guidance, wisdom and honesty, as well as those who were so committed to crafting our work, that they were happy to run hours over schedule. 

Again my scenes were a real treat to perform with anything from playing a ballsy young rookie lawyer to a suffragette, to a supermodel wishing she was ugly to a woman taking her last breath before being murdered and then a doctor, a sister, a waitress and the list goes on. What an incredible gift - every day! 

Having been so extremely busy with class, it has been tricky trying to make time to play. However I did manage to get out for the occasional Mexican happy hour or Starbucks...I fell in love the other day with Samuel French - a book store. Imagine a whole store bursting with every book on each and everything you absolutely adore. It was like Disney World and I had to display incredible will power to not walk out lugging half a library with me. 

We decided on a night out too, at The Standard - a rather swanky hotel, meant to echo Amsterdam’s Red light District. As you walk in there is a girl in a glass box, lying on a mattress in her underwear. I was fascinated - and the novelty of her being gawked at like an animal in the zoo is something all the employees seem to relish. I must commend this girl on her time management skills, as every time I walked past she was enjoying a different pass time- either reading, texting or working on her laptop...apparently they are even encouraged to fall asleep :) Anyway we had an amazing dinner and moved onto the club... we all seemed to forget that we were in a rather flamboyant part of Sunset Boulevard and that there would be no attention paid to us by our male counterparts. The surprise of retro Peter Pan themed restroom wallpaper made up for any possible disappointment:)

I also went for another mani and pedi down the road at this tiny little place run by a cheerful thai family. As is standard in most nail bars in LA, the massage chair went down particularly well while i waited to be pampered. As I peeled open one eye to inspect who was about to give my nails a good spruce up...I was astonished to find a gentleman gently caressing my hand and jabbering on with the other nail ladies - matching them in volume and expression, with not one patron in the whole shop having a cooking clue how they were most probably critically commenting on each lady and sharing juicy gossip. 

Now I have always been a feminist in many ways, advocating equality all the way - and I must admit I had to catch myself being judgmental as I incredulously watched my nail guy working his magic...but if a woman can do anything a man can do and probably better...than who was I to deny him. Although I must say I was rather relieved when a tiny little doll of a woman began my pedi...as it is I am very ticklish, and giggling away while he painted each tootsie would have been far more embarrassing to me than for him I’m guessing. 

Now I have never been too obsessed with the idea of celeb spotting but I figured since I was here I may at least glimpse one or two stars...alas nothing but a very frazzled looking Miley Cyrus came running through the Nail Bar, hurtling towards a curtained off area at the back...was I certain it was her? Yes, it was unmistakable. Was excited? Not in the slightest...fate could have at least thrown me Leo DiCaprio (my teen crush) or a glamourous starlet or pop tart. My nail guy didn’t even flinch at her dramatic entrance - although he was intensely focusing on perfecting my French Manicure.

So there are still many adventures to be had in this final week with a number of things which need to be ticked off the “to-do list”. So enough writing...I better get out there!

"Every Actor should have a Candy Store"

So the rest of the week has come and gone and I find it hard to believe that it has already been three weeks in LA- part of me feels as if it has whizzed past and another part feels as if I've lived here for ages! I have had a couple of sorely needed days off lately, peppered with the odd class here and there to keep us on our toes.

After a seriously stressful day of auditioning and intensive workshops it seemed only appropriate that we throw a house party and I am still thanking my lucky stars that the chosen venue wasn’t my little apartment. I’m sure you can easily imagine what a bunch of actors letting loose could turn into, but needless to say that it resulted in neighbors harassing the LAPD to shut us down. 

This also reminds me...you never know who you may meet on your way home, as Penny and I did a brisk sprint back to our block...we were interrogated by an older gentleman and an Asian lady, who seemed to be out for a jog in the middle of the night?! He was sure to tell us that he played the Grim Reaper on “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” at least 20 years ago and that he chooses to fly under the radar so we wouldn’t be able to find him on the internet...we smiled and nodded, apparently his lady friend was the major star of a credit card commercial neither of us had ever seen or heard of...yip everyone here has a story, a "claim to fame".

Also...my class has really taken to traveling in numbers, which is not always so easy to organize but always makes for the best time. We have trekked up the Sunset Strip...lunched fashionably on Melrose Boulevard and gone for a spot of shopping at the Beverly Center (May I say that considering myself somewhat of a shopping mall expert...Beverly Hills could learn a thing or two from South Africa). 

The vintage shops further along Melrose are just divine and despite my being rather suspect of stores expecting you to pay a pretty penny to wear other people’s hand-me-downs, the charm of these little treasure chests is very inviting - and I felt like I was five years old again playing dress up. The famous World of Vintage T-Shirts shop was an ultimate with autographed walls, cooky decor and threadbare tees with faded and peeling prints...and we had to laugh at the Johnny Cupcakes store, where we all were delighted at the huge sign outside “No Fat, Carbs or Sugar” only to find that the store was decorated as a bakery with clothing in fridges and on pop open ovens - very novel but a little disappointing to the taste buds.

We had a full on Mexican night with strawberry margaritas and all you could eat salsa and sour cream tortillas. This was a perfect little place just down the road, Don Cuco's...completely authentic and deliciously generous...I think I may have actually been Mexican in a previous life I loved the food so much!

Next...and don’t even begin to ask me how I was coaxed into this...a whole bunch of us went to 6 Flags! Now I’m a Disney fan through and through, a “Disney Disciple” as some call it, so any kind of theme park gets me excited! HOWEVER...this happens to be one of THE parks with the most hectic roller-coasters of all time. 

As we drove towards what I believed to be a harmless fun-filled day ...I realized that the growing shadows cast over the road were from the  monstrous structures towering over me...why the hell do they call it an amusement park? These multicolored torturous deathtraps seemed anything but entertaining and I was already planning my escape or strongly considering chaining myself to the carousel in defiance! 

Yet something came over me and my curiosity was irrepressible. I went backwards and forwards, upside down, sideways, I stood up for rides, sat, squatted, lay down and got soaked at least three times...as much as I screamed (discovering my very own Maria Carey soprano vocal range), I also laughed so hard I thought my head might explode. The final ride was most probably closest to what I would term self-abuse. They call it X2...and as the unforgettable slogan goes...”it’s a deformation of your senses”...I still get a rush when I think about it! So you are probably asking yourself what in the hell was I thinking...WHY???!!! Well truth be told I actually loved every minute and as petrified as I was, I figure if I could survive Goliath, The Terminator and The Riddler’s Revenge I could conquer pretty much anything I set my mind to!

As for class, it just gets better and better, from getting a first hand description of the adonis that is Ashton Kutcher - all the girls were swooning, to learning about the amazing history of casting in LA, a female dominated, complex and colorful industry. Speaking of domination.. I have played anything from a pimp to a doctor to a hardcore paddle-wielding dominatrix. 

I can’t wait to see what they throw at me next:) 

If you quit...someone else gets to live your dream!

I know I have been very scarce this past week but its been hectic hectic hectic...just flippin’ awesome in fact! I’ve been in workshops almost every day all day and learning loads of lines by night...I am learning so much and there is never a dull moment with each session bringing its fair share of laughter, tears and enough wisdom to write my own saucy novel :)

I did have one day off though and that was spent on a double-decker red-hopper bus...yes very tourist-y but a fabulous way to figure out the geography of LA- from the landmarks and skyscrapers to famous movie settings and the beaches! Being a brilliantly sunny day, Penny my trusty sidekick and myself found ourselves sitting up top, hidden under our jerseys trying to keep out of the sun but still enjoy the view (we figured that making a good first impression with the industry professionals on the course may prove a little challenging if we both look like fried tomatoes)...and you can’t possibly ride such a ridiculously garish mode of transport and hide away inside. 

This was of course a temporary solution and as we set foot on Santa Monica Pier we began haggling with the hat-stand Sandra Oh look-alike...she eventually took pity on us as we guilt-tripped her about the potential threat of skin cancer and sun spots. 

Strolling along the pier, you could have yourself sketched, painted or moulded in clay (totally weird). It was lovely to have some fresh sea air and enjoy the seagulls, fishermen, ice-creams and sun worshippers, but it wouldn’t have been a proper visit if we hadn’t conquered the roller-coaster, right at the edge of the pier, a fierce drop below. So surrounded by some hyped up prep school tour group I screamed my head off and tried to soak up the California coastline...the seemingly child-intolerant operator even gave us a second go as we flashed him...our pearly whites:) 

We had to walk along the beach as one does, however I must admit that being a South African girl, I’m totally spoilt by the beauty of home...we did have hysterics at the bevy of bodybuilders, bikers and bathing beauties of every age in every size:) The fact that they have built in gym equipment on the beach is enough said. Of course Penny and I had to investigate the Third Street Promenade with every shop imaginable, a bite of sushi, a watermelon margarita and street performers to entertain us as we shopped till we literally collapsed on the very last red hopper back to our neck of the woods. 

So...the classes...well this has been a roller-coaster of an entirely different kind. My class (the group has been split in two) have really bonded over the past week where all inhibitions had to go out the window from the get go! The calibre of casting directors is insane and each session brings with it such magic...the opportunity to eat, sleep, breathe what I love is such a blessing! Some memorable moments so far are anything from one casting directors adorable blind geriatric maltese poodle who was passed around the class and petted as he wheezed his way through our work, to us attempting to do commercial scripts off cue card prompts and singing ourselves into a frenzy about sugar free Root-beer. 

Or as was the case with Penny and I, getting the giggles so horrendously that we were separated...sadly lack of food, sleep but maintaining  a healthy sense of humor had us both cracking up while I had to, completely dead-pan, mime listen to a salad dressing bottle which apparently was “sizzling”...never mind staring deeply into a casting director’s eyes as I was playing a newlywed bride, breaking down in tears or swearing my head off as power-suited bitch! Good times...:)

So I have the next two days off, which couldn’t have come at a better time for any of us because no matter how awesome it is where we staying...we need to escape and there is so much more exploring to be done! (Besides finding Superman, which I will do!!!) Hope everyone at home is well...x x x

Searching for Superman

So I had Wednesday off and where better to start but on Hollywood Boulevard. I was accompanied by my classmate and lovely new friend Penny and what a day we had! We both needed to keep pinching each other as we emerged all smiles from our cab, right in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre, deliciously kit ch and swarming with tourists. Not knowing whether to look down at the star riddled pavement or up at the infamous buildings...each one seeming to have rolled straight out of a movie or the E entertainment channel. 


We strolled up to the Kodak Theatre where all the favourites hang out, Tinkerbell to The Incredibles to Batman and Spiderman...all hustling for a photo, tips welcome of course. But there was only one guy I wanted to meet, ever since I saw his documentary I have a new found respect...I'm a little concerned about his level of commitment...but all things considered, Superman seems to be quite a guy. Talk about "becoming" the character. But alas he was no where to be seen and the chilly wind called for a coffee...in my case hot chocolate break, and I had to laugh as Mary Poppins was all dressed up, umbrella and bag neatly tucked under her seat as she sipped on her latte and checked her mails...


We walked for what felt like miles and only in a brief moment as we caught a breath from all the chatterboxing...we realised we weren't quite in "Kansas" anymore...instead of passing countless touristy shops, there was suddenly an array of wig stores with every conceivable hairstyle ever imaginable in every colour (obviously people see this as a photo op...they charge you to try them on and insist you buy a hairnet...you might as well buy the damn wig) so better to look and not chance having to shave my head and medicate my scalp before I do head shots! Don't somehow think that GI Jane is really my look...I was even more intrigued by the costume shops with rows of character shoes (mostly patent and platformed), glasses, jewelry, make up and every prop or accessory essential to getting that perfect look - I would hate to be trapped in one of these stores during Halloween. 


But the Kicker? It became apparent that we were perusing the hottest new fashions for..ahem...Ladies of the Night...once again America being the land of choice and opportunity, every style and colour for every nook and cranny was on display...what it was intended to cover is another story...I must also add that I was on a mission for boots, 'cause this weather is nipping at my ankles and the feeling in my toes comes and goes. However the popular thigh high velvet neon orange patent leather platforms weren't exactly what I was looking for...although the transparent stilettos with the aquarium in the platform was rather tempting:) 


This left us gals ravenous and after much deliberation we settled on a delightful little place called Cafe Audrey...totally up my alley...all decked out in black and white with huge mirrors, beautiful photos of Miss Tiffany's herself, witty quotes and yummy snacks. I reckon Miss Hepburn would have definitely been chuffed to have her very own cafe.


Once again I was on the hunt for my Superman, but sadly he was still off somewhere else saving someone else's world. In the meantime Penny and I were bizarrely harassed by a chubby Elvis with a chest of hair straight out of the 70's. In exchange for agreeing to have a photo with him, I casually asked if he happened to know Superman and can you believe it, he pulls his phone out of his sock and starts going through his contacts...Hulk, Jack Sparrow, Minnie Mouse...quite a phonebook and voila...Superman, it rang for a while and regrettably he had to leave a message- telling him a lady "with more curves than a California Cactus" was waiting for him...oh how flattering - I have never been compared to a cactus before! 


We made our escape and got down to what we had intentionally set up to do for the day - to find a place that prints head shots, but of course couldn't resist a quick nail session...I had it on good authority that you can go pretty much anywhere in LA and have your nails done quick quick and cheap cheap...and they last looooong time. I reckon that nail bar was on their own special "English for Beginners Course"...watching old episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond".


At this point we realised that it was maybe time to seriously consider finding a printing place before the sun set, and as we jumped in a cab, that was when I spotted him...there was my Superman having photos and he didn't even bother looking up to see me waving! I guess I will just have to go back...good excuse I guess :) Our cab driver was unfortunately even less charming - a rather large bullfrog of a man, with broken English and the audacity to drive us via New York to get to the place. A valuable lesson learnt in "being assertive with your rude cab driver", on both my and Penny's part - but our driver on the way back more than made up for him. If he could, the man would've carried both of us to our doorsteps and paid us for the pleasure of our company. 


So that was Wednesday and yesterday brought its own challenges in the form of my laptop committing suicide on me in the form of installing updates I didn't approve and which the stubborn old relic couldn't handle! not to worry, all sorted now though and i will give just a little hint...I understand now - the land of apple is a beautiful place of splendidness and magic! 


Oh and where ever you may be Superman...I'll visit you soon - get your best smile ready!

Well hello LA, it's a pleasure to meet you!

Okay so its about time I start this thing...to be honest I haven't had a chance since I've arrived, but here I sit after my second big day, utterly drained and resisting the urge to use my keyboard as a pillow...but I must say this is totally surpassed by feeling so excited and blessed to be here! Its like having my Birthday, Christmas, Easter and even Valentine’s Day all rolled into one!


I feel like my "Groot Trek" of over 24 hours (and yes I did add up correctly)...SA to London to LA...was rather epic but relatively painless - and when I saw my bulging blue glad wrapped suitcase chugging towards me on the conveyor belt at LAX, I could not grab it fast enough to go and meet this infamous city!

Indeed as everyone says - its definitely not squeaky clean, the smog, the seedy suburbs, the grimy faded billboards, but this is all overshadowed by a definite buzz in the air – not like that intense New York pulse, but more of a feeling of anticipation - as you’re almost sure you can hear the wheels and cogs turning of this larger than life dream factory. I was lucky enough to be in a shared shuttle from the airport so I had a bit of a scenic “welcome” tour where I saw anything from a guy graffitti-ing a shop window in broad daylight as his mates egged him on to plenty of vacancy signs for "Adult Daycare", to a neighbourhood that could come straight out of Benoni literally a road away from the most opulent burgeoning mansions which would put Houghton to shame. I stopped myself from drooling at the Krispy Kreme Doughnut Drive through - I mean seriously who has a drive through for Doughnuts...but if you have ever succumbed to one...you will know they are like crack and this must seem like a perfectly logical idea to the average addict!

My driver, the long lost Mexican brother of Julio Iglesias became far more friendly when he heard I was from SA, although he seemed to be surprised to hear that the World Cup was coming to our backyard...I feigned mortification on behalf of all the soccer fans at home! It was of course while I was chatting away to Julio that I saw IT cheekily peeping out at me...yip there was that fabulous Hollywood sign so harry casually chilling on the hill...I must admit it was rather surreal and driving down Hollywood Boulevard, its seemed a privilege for those strolling along that pavement...however if you’re fortunate enough to be immortalised on one of those many many stars I reckon its all about location location location...:)

Okay so I'm waffling but where I'm staying is just too awesome...feels a little like a mini community of actors and LA types living it up at the Sun City Cabanas...my little studio apartment is divine and Henry my golf cart chauffeur assured me that I have the best view over Fox studios...never mind the ridiculously large mirrors everywhere and my getting way to excited about the novelty of having a bed that folds away into the wall...the only thing I was somewhat perturbed about was the sorely missed kettle, my tea obsession prompted me to try use the filter coffee machine with no coffee obviously and I have boiled water in a pot on the stove...not really the same but better than nothing :) As I’m writing this there’s someone warming up doing scales next door…no worries I’ve got “Idols” on TV…LOUD…odd to think that its being filmed live not too far away :)

Back to my arriving…I took a cab with one of the Aussie girls to go in search of a "disposable phone” as they call it…I must admit this is a far cry from my beloved Blackberry…its like a toy Nokia phone with less features than that good old brick we all marveled at when it first came out. But at least I’m connected! The organisers had a welcome dinner for us, which was a lovely way to get to know everyone – although we all resembled a bunch of zombies trying to put on our best smiles and peel our eyelids back…needless to say it was not a rip-roaring razzle on the town.

My first day felt like varsity all over again! Packing my lunch, packing my bag, finding a seat, standing up to introduce myself, taking copious notes (anyone at varsity with me will remember the “eager beaver” in the front row furiously scribbling away), well I’m proud to say I hung back a little and sat a few rows away but I have already started a novel of notes – there’s just so much to drink up!!!

I was in class 10am to 10pm with a quick break…but a better baptism of fire into the LA world I could not have asked for…we did some work on typing, (as in what type are you) - giving each other feedback and I got anything from “stripper” to “soccer mom” to “young milf” to “the sweet girl…but she’ll steal your boyfriend”…better than serial killer, girl with the body in the basement, vapid or sports coach which came up for some of the others:) We also all had to do prepared monologues, so getting up in front of a bunch of incredibly talented actors with an unavoidably critical eye including a truly gifted and amazing casting director was quite an adrenalin rush…but I’m glad to say it couldn’t have gone better!

The evening class was refreshing, our guest speaker ploughed through our head shots like a woman possessed. Having been the business so long she’s lost count, her honesty was brutal at some points but amazingly spot on…I can’t think that people enjoyed hearing that they looked like a slimy serial killer rather than the leading heart throb or like their best friend took their shots (which was probably the handy work of some ridiculously expensive photographer who sees them self as a true auteur)…I almost crawled under the table because apparently I need to do sexy sexy sexy…we were all in hysterics…I did inquire whether I could do “intelligent” too and she said “ya sure honey as long as it’s sexy” so we’re all doing head shots this week at one point or another and va va voom…will have to see if I can pull it off.

We’ve been split up from now on into groups and I’m thrilled to be in the “Bridges” and not the “Bullocks” group…if you haven’t figured it out – they’ve named us after the Oscar winning actors this year…great encouragement. Good thing we had a dialect coach today ‘cause if I have to listen to Aussie accents much longer I’m going to start getting totally befuddled. Yes, I’m the only South African who made the cut so “I’m representin’ !!”…always nice to be unique… you know I’m not a fan of blending in!

We have the day off tomorrow so hoping to go exploring this magical new world…but where to start :)

the owl and the pussycat

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are."
Pussy said to the Owl "You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing.
O let us be married, too long we have tarried;
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows,
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose, his nose, his nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?"
Said the Piggy, "I will"
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon.
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand.
They danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.